I'm just going to get some fIowers, dear.
It's tuIip season today and I'm so happy.
- Son of a bitch. - Come on, sweetie.
Come on, sweetie.
Come on now, sweetheart.
Go for a IittIe ride, then you can whiz aII over the city.
Come on, go for a ride.
No! Freeze!
Leg down! Leg down!
That's it. Come on.
No! You monkey-eared son of a ...
You have pissed your Iast fIoor.
I'II bet you wish you were a reaI ...
You dog-eared monkey.
This is New York. If you can make it here you can make it anywhere.
VerdeII?
Where's my good doggie? VerdeII?
Come here, sweetheart.
Mr. UdaII?
- Have you seen VerdeII? - What does he Iook Iike?
My dog. You know ... My dog with the adorabIe face.
- Don't you know what it Iooks Iike? - You were taIking about your dog.
I thought it was that coIoured man.
Which coIour was that?
Thick moIasses with a broad nose.
- Perfect for smeIIing prison food. - Frank!
- You have got to get dressed. - Frank Sachs. MeIvin UdaII.
Frank shows my work, Mr. UdaII. I think you know that.
As Iong as you keep your work zipped up, around me, -
- I don't care where you shove your show.
Are we done being neighbours?
- Let me ... - No! Not worth it.
- Hope you find him. Love that dog. - You don't Iove anything.
One, two, three, four, five.
Hot. Hot, hot, hot.
- Where is he? - He had a thing with the dog.
- UgIy dog. - He's adorabIe.
My honey. Where have you been?
Look at my boy.
- I found him, Mr. Bishop. - We know you did.
Where was my baby?
In the basement garbage bin eating diaper shit.
- You earned your fun, John. - It just struck me as funny.
How did he get down there? Even if he got in the eIevator ...
Maybe some nice neighbour shoved him down the garbage chute.
''In the dark she had confessed and he had forgiven.''
''This is what you Iive for, he said.''
''Two heads on a piIIow. AII is approvaI.''
''There is onIy the safety of being with each other.''
''How couId she find such hope in the most shamefuI part of her?''
- Mr. UdaII! - ''She was abIe to define Iove.''
''Love was ...''
Mr. UdaII, I'd Iike to speak to you. Let me do this by myseIf.
- ''Love was ...'' - Are you in there?
Pansy-assed stooI-pusher!
Yes?
This can wait.
I found VerdeII, Mr. UdaII.
WeII ... That's a Ioad off.
Did you ... do something to him?
Do you reaIize that I work at home?
Do you Iike being interrupted when you're pIaying in your garden?
No, I turn the ringer off on my phone.
- And put a piece of cardboard ... - I work aII the time.
So never interrupt me!
Not if you hear the sound of a thud from my home, -
- and one week Iater there's a smeII from a decaying human body, -
- and you have to hoId a hanky to your face because of the stench.
Even then, don't come knocking.
Or if it's eIection night and you want to ceIebrate, -
- because some fudge-packer was eIected the first queer president.
And he's going to have you down to Camp David, -
- and you want someone to share the moment with.
Even then, don't knock. Not on this door.
Not for any reason.
Do you get me, sweetheart?
Yes. It's not a subtIe point that you are making.
Okay, then.
So, now he wiII think twice before messing with me.
''Love was ...''
What was Iove?
''Love was ...''
Now I'm reaIIy pissed!
Don't touch!
Shut up! You don't intimidate me with your attitude.
I grew up in heII, homeboy. My grandmother had more attitude.
PoIice! Doughnut-munching morons! HeIp me!
AssauIt! And you're bIack!
I Iike Simon enough to batter you unrecognizabIe, -
- if you verbaIIy abuse him or touch that dog again.
Meantime ... I'II think of some way that you can make it up to him.
I hate doing this! I'm an art deaIer.
Have a nice day.
Party!
- Don't touch. - Get a Iife.
Watch it.
- Look at you. You're better. - New medication.
You know aII my son's stuff? I've got a date tonight.
I'm waIking out the door, he says, ''I promise not to get a cough.''
- Isn't that sweet? - A IittIe bIond angeI.
I said, ''You Iove me the way you Iove your remote controI.''
That's great.
PeopIe that taIk in metaphors ought to shampoo my crotch.
- Eat up! - I've got your money.
- Pay me next week. - I owe you and I toId you today.
Excuse me, MeIvin.
There you go.
Pardon me. Take the money.
- Take a cab home and get ready. - Ready is not my probIem.
- I'm starving. - You're not aIIowed back here.
Spence is more excited about it than I am.
Sometimes, these kids, you just want to ...
- I've got jews at my tabIe. - It's not your tabIe.
You can sit at someone eIse's station.
Or you can wait your turn.
How much more have you got to eat?
Appetites aren't as big as your noses, huh?
That's it!
Let's go.
He's barred for Iife.
- They Ieft. - Yeah, what do you know?
Bryan says, if you ever act Iike this again you are barred for Iife.
I'm going to miss the excitement.
Three eggs, over easy.
- Sausage, bacon, fries. - Fries today?
A short stack. Coffee with cream and sweetener.
You'II die soon, with that diet.
We're aII gonna die. You and I are, and it sounds Iike your son wiII.
If you ever mention my son again ...
... you wiII never be abIe to eat here again. Do you understand?
Give me some sign you understand, or Ieave now.
Do you understand me, you crazy fuck?
Do you?
Yes ...
I'II get your order.
Wear my earrings tonight.
It's just so interesting. You said it Iike it was nothing.
- Where's the bedroom? - This is sort of it ...
I sort of sIeep in here.
Don't worry about it.
What?
I don't know.
Grandma ...
- Maybe you better check. - What did you think I was going to?
I'm sorry. I was hearing everything ...
I put these on to give you privacy.
How was dinner?
- How was your friend? - Are you okay? Scootch over.
- Where did he take you to eat? - A nice pIace.
I have him ...
- One more spit? - He's waiting.
Go.
- Give me a hug. - CaroI.
- CaroI, I have him. - She has me. Go.
CIose the curtains.
No! He can't take smoke.
Magic.
God! That'II teach you. I don't even notice it any more.
Come here.
- It's a IittIe bit of throw-up. - ''LittIe bit of throw-up''?
What shaII we do?
ShaII I write down which train you take, or shouId we Iay ...
No. I'II take a cab.
It's just a IittIe too much reaIity for a Friday night.
I promised Simon I'd find him a modeI.
Take me offthe speaker. These are house seats.
Come on. You could use a break. Hello? Carl? You there?
Okay. I just found a modeI.
- Hey, boys! - I know this guy.
What's going on?
- Hi. Remember? - I onIy need one.
You picked me up some time ago.
- This is for a portrait. - Portrait?
Come here. I'II give you the address.
- Brad Pitt. It's the shit. - Do you read?
Who is it, baby?
Who is it, VerdeII?
I'm sorry. I toId you today.
I was out in the studio and I ...
It's out here.
- You have great things. - Gershwin. Great, isn't he?
I make a big deaI about picking modeIs, but CarI is so thorough.
I bet he drove you nuts checking your résumé.
This is not a nude.
Just kidding around.
So much for Iove.
And yet another pose.
- What is your previous experience? - I'm running out of ideas here.
- Give me some direction. - I just watch.
UntiI something strikes me. Do anything you think of.
Wait untiI I say to hoId that pose, then just try to hoId it.
No direction.
What I do is, I watch.
Ever watch somebody who doesn't know you're watching them?
An oId woman sitting on a bus? Or kids going to schooI?
Somebody just waiting, and you see this fIash come over them.
And you know it has nothing to do with anything externaI.
They're just sort of reaIer and more aIive.
You Iook at someone Iong enough, you discover their humanity.
I know exactIy what you mean.
Oh, my God ... HoId it.
Look out.
Excuse me.
I got on the third Iine of diaIogue.
And aII of a sudden I bIanked.
CIippity-cIop. Ignores me.
- So he said to me, ''Last chance.'' - Last chance.
- I came back in. - Here she comes to ignore me again.
I messed up the same Iine. But guess what?
He cast me!
Just what the worId needs. Another actress.
Can't Iive without me?
I'm finaIIy going to ask. What's with the pIastic picnicware?
Are you afraid ours isn't cIean?
- It's a judgment caII. - Give yourseIf a pep taIk.
''Must try other peopIe's cIean siIverware when dining out.''
- What's wrong with your son? - What do you care?
He fights to breathe. His asthma can shoot off the charts.
His immune system faiIs when there's troubIe, so an ear infection ...
- Is this bothering you? - No.
An ear infection, anything, sends him to the emergency room, -
- where I get some nine-year-oId they just made a doctor.
Nice chatting.
- His name? - Spencer.
Spence.
It's okay. Go on.
Put on anything you want.
- I might be sort of done here. - AII we do is work. Let's pIay!
- So you're practicaIIy finished? - Yeah. There is one more stage.
- Where are you going? - No pIace. Just to sneak a peek.
- VerdeII, you want some chocoIate? - He's not aIIowed.
Wait! I got to take off. Do you want to say goodbye?
- Yeah. He's just got to go. - Wait.
I'm going to Iook at the painting.
Where are you going?
Want some water? What's the matter?
You want some water?
Simon, wait!
Why are you doing this?
No, wait ...
- That painting in there ... - Are you cruising him?
Excuse me ...
- HeIp me! - Come on!
Come on.
You caII 91 1 and don't Ieave your name?
- Even a dumb geezer knows ... - Just move on. No one was kiIIed.
Ask him.
Don't bark at me. I didn't name you.
We wiII. And if he can't, we'II come back and ask you.
Hey. I come from heII. My grandma has got more attitude than you.
Go shake down a 7-1 1 for a day-oId wiener.
There's a painting of one of the guys.
- I've been praying for him. - I'm on my way to the hospitaI.
- Just watch the dog for tonight. - No, no.
- I'm sorry. - Thanks.
OId bitch. Damn dog.
You're taking him!
Get out of the way!
Even the books.
Wait!
Do you want to say no to me?
I don't want to say nothing to you.
Because I've never feIt this crazy. I aImost want you to say no.
Thanks for Iooking after him.
- Hey! Where are you going? - You don't want to mess with me.
I can't take a dog. Nobody's been in here before.
Hey, Frank.
One, two, three, four ...
You're dead.
We don't have no dog food here.
You'II eat what we got. What we eat.
Don't you do anything!
Where's the trust?
Never a break.
God!
We're haIfway through the show and we haven't soId a painting.
No, we can't reduce the price.
- I'm in a free faII here. - We can see him.
I'II meet you in there, okay?
Thank you.
- How are you doing, great one? - I haven't Iooked at myseIf yet.
I figured I couId teII from your reaction.
- That bad? - I taIked to the doctor and ...
It's not that bad. The doctors say you'II be your oId seIf again.
The scars might ... Oh, shit!
Jackie ...
Hand me a mirror, pIease.
Wait. I have a smaIIer one.
So how are things, anyway?
- How is VerdeII? - Mr. UdaII ... taking care of him.
- How couId you? He'II hurt him. - No, I promise.
Not a chance. I own this guy. Besides, there was nobody eIse.
I'm aIways on the move and ...
Trust me.
- You are certain my dog is okay? - Yes, your dog is fine.
Waiting gives the deviI time.
Oh, my!
Where did I go?
- That's your dog? - No.
What are you doing with a dog?
- Suckered in, set up. - You're not worried he'II be taken?
No, not untiI now.
- Sorry. - I'm going to sit here.
Hey, puppy.
It's so cute.
I wonder what breed he is.
He's a IittIe dog. If Bryan's not here, you can bring him in.
How oId are you?
To guess by your eyes ... 50.
By your eyes, I'd say you were kind. So much for eyes.
How oId are you? You brought it up. I'm curious.
- Not that you're ugIy. - I can take the compIiment.
But my knees start knocking when you turn on the charm fuII bIast.
What's with the dark?
Dawn patroI.
My son had a fuII-bIown attack.
And for extra fun they gave us the wrong antibiotics.
No!
It's bacon for the dog.
Last week I was pIaying the piano for him. And he Iikes it.
So I decide I'm going to make a IittIe joke.
It's a beautifuI day for our waIk.
Look at that dog.
I've got to give you something reaI good.
I'm going to show it to you.
Don't be Iike me.
Stay as you are. You're perfect. I'II get you something to eat.
I'd Iike to be treated Iike that.
Let's go home and do some writing.
''He had made the girI happy. And what a girI.''
''You've saved my Iife, she said.''
''You'd better make it up to me.''
Done! Yes, I hate the doggie.
62 books. Done.
- We have to cut back aII expenses. - He has no medicaI insurance?
These are the food receipts, the househoId expenses.
- Here's one for the dog again. - I got it.
And aII the Iaundry.
Boy, Iook at that. He Iikes it at Chez MeIvin.
What are you coming over here for? I can't cook with a dog near me.
Just sit. We don't want any company. I'II read you Emerson.
- How's VerdeII doing? - He's a pain in the ass.
Simon's home. Can you keep the dog untiI he's had a chance to adjust?
It's been weeks and weeks. A few more won't matter.
He wants him back right away. He'II be by tomorrow.
Okay.
Hungry? Be right with you.
Mr. UdaII.
Some face they Ieft hanging on you. You Iook Iike ...
CouId you take it ...
... just a IittIe easy, Mr. UdaII?
Thank you.
VerdeII.
Come here, my beautifuI boy. Come here.
Let's go home and get weII.
I can't bIame him for being weird. Look at yourseIf in the mirror.
Thank you.
Come on, sweetheart.
VerdeII, come here.
I know what you want.
Where's my boy?
No, don't force him.
Over a dog!
Over an ugIy dog.
Worst sidewaIk in New York. Look where they put it.
- HeIp! - You'II make an appointment.
How can you diagnose someone as an obsessive-compuIsive disorder -
- and then act Iike I had a choice about barging in?
- You must Ieave. - You said you couId heIp me.
- What was that? A tease? - If you take responsibiIity ...
- You changed the room around. - Two years ago.
I aIso grew a beard, but you're not interested in changes in me.
I don't have a mountain of time. I have to get to my restaurant.
Do you know how hard it was for me to come here?
No, we're not doing this now.
I changed just one pattern, as you aIways said I shouId.
No. Nope.
What if this is as good as it gets?
What the heck are those for?
No, no, no. Get CaroI.
I'm fiIIing in. She might be getting a job cIoser to home.
- Why pIastic? - What are you trying to do to me?
- What do you mean? - Look, eIephant girI.
Go get CaroI or something. Just have her do my one meaI here.
I'II pay whatever you want.
Do it!
Bryan. Code bIue.
Out! Just shut up and get out.
I'II be quiet. Just Iet me stay here. No probIem.
Go get CaroI.
I'm not a prick. You are. I'm not judging.
This day has been a disaster.
- I'm not sure if I can handIe this. - Get out!
Get out immediateIy or there's going to be troubIe.
See you.
It's about time.
- CaroI's Iast name? - ConneIIy.
- Does he visit often? - Not reaIIy. Not any more.
I'm hungry.
You've ruined my whoIe day. I haven't eaten.
- What are you doing here? - This is not a sexist thing ...
Are you totaIIy gone? This is my home.
I'm trying to keep emotion aside, even though it's important.
- I have strong feeIings on this. - What?
That I wasn't there? Do you have any controI over how creepy you get?
Yes, I do.
And to prove it ... I have not gotten personaI, and you have.
Why aren't you at work? Are you sick?
You don't Iook sick.
Just tired and bitter.
My son is sick.
What about your mother?
- How do you know about her? - I hear you taIking whiIe I wait.
- Mom, I finished my juice. - One sec.
How are you doing?
You shouId answer me.
Sorry, MeIvin. I can't handIe you teaching my son manners.
Back to Iife.
What's wrong?
Five one-thousand, four one-thousand ...
- 104.9. - We're going on a cab ride.
Look out, you guys!
Look out. We're okay. We're okay.
MeIvin! Wait!
Shut up, kids!
Give us a Iift, wouId you?
Cover your mouth when you cough.
- BrookIyn Presbyterian HospitaI. - HospitaI?
- Any chance you'II be back today? - No! Stay away from me.
We can't put this off any Ionger. I feeI terribIe that I have to ...
CouId you just Ieave the dog for a second?
Sorry.
- What are those cards? - Frank thought I shouId have notes.
So I wouId maintain focus and not terrify you.
See? He's right. I need the cards.
SIMON, YOU'RE BROKE
The medicaI biIIs are 61,000 now. And the show didn't go weII.
I spoke to your parents. They didn't hang up or anything.
But they'd feeI strange caIIing you.
I can't caII them. Come here, baby.
Come here.
VerdeII? What's wrong?
You miss the tough guy? WeII, here I am.
Happy to see me, you IittIe mop? How about a ride down the chute?
I'm sorry. I didn't mean that.
I didn't mean that, sweetheart.
Sorry ...
I'II be abIe to keep my apartment and the studio, won't I?
Oh, my God!
Yes, you make us a Iot of money. But it's more appropriate ...
I need this. Just say, ''MeIvin, I'II try.''
- MeIvin, I'II try. - Thank you.
My son just got accepted to Brown. My husband was dying.
Good, nice, thriIIed, exciting. You don't have to wait with me.
I can't resist. I just have so many questions I want to ask you.
You have no idea what your work means to me.
What does it mean to you?
That somebody out there knows what it's Iike to be in here.
God, this is Iike a nightmare.
Come on. Just a coupIe of questions.
- How do you write women so weII? - I think of a man.
And I take away reason and accountabiIity.
- Mom! - In here, Mrs. ConneIIy.
- PIease, what? - I'm ...
- TeII me! - Dr. Bettes.
- Not your name. Where is he? - He's in the bathroom.
What's wrong? You know there are doctors that come to your house?
I'm home.
I didn't know you had an admirer. Oh, you met the gift.
He's good. I'm an expert on doctors.
Okay, doctor?
My wife is MeIvin UdaII's pubIisher.
I'm to take care of this IittIe guy because you are needed at work.
- What kind of work do you do? - I'm a waitress.
- In Manhattan. - Dr. Bettes?
Excuse me.
- I'm sorry it took so Iong. - I couIdn't find it, either.
CouId you get this to the Iab? I want it back today.
- Did you say ''today''? - Yes. Let's sit down.
These are the receipts from aII the prescriptions for the year.
- The caIendar. - This is a caIendar of days.
- And how he feIt. - Good.
- How Iong has he had the probIem? - Since forever. Six months oId.
Have they done bIood tests?
- When he was weII? - No.
- And how about skin testing? - No.
- No standard scratch test? - No.
They said my pIan didn't cover it. Why? ShouId they have?
Fucking HMO bastard pieces of shit!
- I'm sorry. - That's their technicaI name.
Once the tests come back, is there someone we shouId taIk to?
Me. My home number is on the card.
His home number.
- What? - Your home ...
- Can we get you anything eIse? - No, thank you.
CoupIe of femaIe sIaves?
There's stiII a Iot of tests I need to do.
Whatever I find out, I promise you, -
- from now on your son is going to feeI a great deaI better.
Doc!
That's good.
Let me know about the costs. One way or another we'II ...
The costs are going to be considerabIe.
But Mr. UdaII wants to be biIIed.
That's wonderfuI.
Thank you for everything, Nora.
Forgive my crankiness. I'II caII when things get back on track.
- What's wrong? - Who's going to waIk VerdeII?
No!
- Is he dead yet? - No.
WouId there be any way you wouId be wiIIing to waIk his dog for him?
- AbsoIuteIy. - You're a wonderfuI man.
Two o'cIock wouId be a good time. Here is the key in case he's asIeep.
Open his curtains for him so he can see God's beautifuI work.
And he'II know that even things Iike this happen for the best.
Did you Iearn to taIk Iike this in a ''SaiIor, wanna hump-hump''-bar?
Or is this your Iast shot at his whisky?
SeII crazy somepIace eIse. We're aII stocked up here.
No! A goofy man is behind this. You can't bIock out that man.
Do you reaIIy want to go back to emergency, where they can't heIp?
This Iets a crazy man into our Iives.
You know how this wiII turn out.
This is not Iike a string of pearIs. You don't send this one back.
Right?
No. I do, I understand. Listen. I have to go, okay?
FRIENDS TO ASK FOR MONEY
Bye.
Bye-bye.
What a day ...
Maybe I'II bring him some food by.
Thank you for waIking him.
- Excuse me, I'm not feeIing weII. - This pIace smeIIs Iike shit.
Go away.
- This cIeaning Iady doesn't ..? - PIease, just Ieave.
- What happened to your friends? - Get out of here!
There's nothing worse than having to feeI this way in front of you.
NeIIie. Your a disgrace to depression.
- Rot in heII, MeIvin. - No need to stop being a Iady.
You'II be back on your knees in no time.
Is this fun for you?
It keeps getting better and better. I'm Iosing my apartment, MeIvin.
Frank wants me to beg my parents, who haven't caIIed me, for heIp.
And I won't.
I don't want to paint any more.
The Iife I was trying for, is over.
The Iife I had is gone and I'm feeIing sorry for myseIf.
It's high times for you, isn't it? The gay neighbour is terrified.
Terrified!
I was trying to give you a boost.
Lucky you. You're here for rock bottom.
You absoIute horror of a human being.
The one thing I'II do for you might cheer you up.
Get out.
You want to know why the dog prefers me? It's not affection.
It's a trick.
I keep bacon in my pocket.
See?
We'II both caII him. You'II see. It's a trick.
Come here, VerdeII.
Come on.
Come here.
Just a stupid dog.
CouId you Ieave now? PIease?
I don't get it.
Mr. UdaII!
- CaroI the waitress? - Yes.
The doctors gave me your address. I'm sorry about the hour.
If you ...
- If it's about thanking me ... - That's not why I'm here.
Though it's nice to taIk to a reaI doctor about Spencer.
Note. Put it in a note.
- I have a hairdryer. - Why did you do this for me?
- So you'd come back to work. - That sounds strange.
I'm worried you did this ...
Are you waiting for me to say something?
Look ...
- I'II be there tomorrow. - I need to cIear this up now.
CIear what up?
I'm not going to sIeep with you. I wiII never sIeep with you.
Not ever!
I'm sorry, but ...
... we don't open for the no-sex oaths untiI 9 a.m.
- I'm not kidding. - Anything eIse?
Just ... thank you.
So you wiII be at work tomorrow?
Yes.
''Never'', she said.
I took a chance you were up.
I brought you some Chinese soup.
Thanks.
I've never been this tired in my Iife.
I haven't been sIeeping.
I haven't been cIear in my head or feIt Iike myseIf.
I'm in troubIe.
It's not just the tiredness.
- Sick. Nauseous. - SIeepy.
Everything Iooks distorted and everything inside aches.
You can bareIy find the wiII to compIain.
I'm gIad we did this.
Good taIking to you.
- StiII writing that thank-you note? - How do you speII ''conscience''?
C-O-N-S-C-I-E-N-C-E.
Look, I got Sean to babysit so we couId go out.
I don't feeI safe Ieaving Spencer with someone.
Spencer's okay. Start finding something to do with your free time.
Sean, are you hungry?
We got pizza. Sausage, pepperoni. You want to make this Iater?
We are going out, Iike peopIe do.
If you can't feeI good about this break and step out a IittIe, -
- then you ought to have Mr. UdaII send you over a psychiatrist.
I don't need one. I know what's going on here.
I must finish this Ietter first. This can't be right? Con-science?
CaroI!
What?
It's very weird not feeIing that ...
... stupid panic thing inside me.
Without that, I start thinking about myseIf.
And what good does that ever get anybody?
Today on the bus there was this adorabIe coupIe.
And I feIt myseIf ...
... giving them a dirty Iook.
I just had no idea. Everything was ...
Go ahead.
Moving in the wrong direction.
Away from a time when I remembered what it was Iike to have a man ...
... to hoId fucking ...
... hands with.
I feIt aImost reaIIy bad that Dr. Bettes is married.
Which is probabIy why I make Spence hug me more than he wants to.
He has to make up for his Mom not getting any.
- Who needs these thoughts? - So, are you frustrated?
Leave me be. What is it you want?
Does getting me thinking about aII that's wrong have some purpose?
ReaIIy, Mom, what is it you want?
- What? - I want us to go out.
- Thank you. - I'II send you a thank-you note.
That's why you brought me here?
WeII, it's not even mine. Simon has enough on his mind.
But the dog did throw up twice Iast night.
- Take him to the vet. - I did. His stomach's out of whack.
- They need him a coupIe of days. - WeII, do it ...
Sorry.
- This is for Iater. - What's this?
- It's a note. - A note?
- A thank-you note. - No thank you.
- You can read it Iater. - No thank-you note. No, no.
Thank you.
- She's nice. - Yeah, reaIIy nice.
ShouIdn't that be a good thing, saying, ''No thanks required''?
Sure Iooks Iike it went over, too.
Look at you.
You're making the rounds. Simon says you brought him soup.
- What? - You think I'm a mark ...
You heIped with the dog. I'm as concerned about Simon as you are.
- Concerned? - He needs more than money.
He must go to BaItimore to ask his parents for money tomorrow.
They have to heIp. It's the ruIes.
That's great. Let them heIp him.
OnIy ...
... I got a painter coming through, so I'm out.
- Can you drive him? - Think white and get serious!
Take my car? A convertibIe.
- Do you drive? - Yes. But I'm not doing it.
Getting Ioud.
- He wants me to take his car ... - I want your probIems.
Somebody offers me a convertibIe so I can get out of this city ...
- Go ahead, girI. - Okay. I'II do it.
I'II take him. Get him packed. Tomorrow morning I'II take him.
I'II see you tomorrow. Let's not drag this out.
If there's some heaIth foundation for peopIe Iike you, Iet me know.
- Last-word freak. - Good Iuck, Iady.
- Anything eIse? - Yeah.
I'm going to give my queer neighbour a Iift to BaItimore.
What I did for you ... It's working out?
What you did changed my Iife.
No!
No thank-you note.
WeII, part of what I said in this entire history of my Iife -
- is that you have done more for my mother, my son ...
... and me than anybody eIse ever has.
I'm just going to read you this part of it
''That makes you the most generous person I ever met in my Iife.''
''And you're going to be in our daiIy prayers, forever.''
LoveIy.
I aIso wrote one part ... I wrote that I was sorry.
I was taIking about how I was sorry when I got mad at you -
- when you toId my son that he ought to answer back.
I wrote that I was sorry about that. I'm sorry for that night ...
... when I said that I was never ...
I'm sorry for every time your food was coId and you had to wait.
And I'm sorry for never spotting the human being that did this for us.
I'II just start from the beginning.
''I have not been abIe to express my gratefuIness to you.''
''The word gratefuI doesn't begin to teII you what I feeI.''
That's nice of you. Thank you.
Thank you.
Now I want you to do something for me.
I'm sorry. Didn't I say ''what''? I thought I did.
- What? - I want you to go on this trip.
- No, sir. - I can't do this without you.
He might puII the stiff one-eye on me. I need you to chaperone.
You said you Iiked convertibIes. Now I'm on the hook. Two days.
- I can't. My son. - Bettes said he's doing fine.
- MeIvin, I'd rather not. - Write a note. Ain't she sweet?
- I need a hand and where is she? - Your heIp obIigates me?
Is there any other way to see it?
No.
Here's a IittIe suitcase. Shocked that it's being used.
There's no way to pack for this trip.
- You're stiII coming, aren't you? - Yes.
MeIvin, exactIy where are we going?
Just south of BaItimore. I know what you're going to say.
l mean ... l think l know.
- I'm not sure, but I think so. - ShouId I bring something dressy?
WiII we be eating in restaurants that have dress codes?
Maybe ...
- Yes. Let's ... Let's. - Okay.
- What did you think I'd ask? - Whether crabs were in season now.
Okay, then. Goodnight.
- Anything unusuaI in his diet? - No.
Everybody gets their own cage? Put him in with that one.
Lip kiss.
I Iove you. I'II miss you ... ReaI sensitive.
- Bye. - CaII when you're settIed.
- Have a good time. - Don't run!
Have fun, but don't run.
- I'm sorry I'm not taking you. - So am I, Frank.
Give me a hug.
Everything's going to be okay.
Soak it up. It's your Iast chance for a hug for a few days.
HeIIo.
Thank you for being on time.
CaroI the waitress. Simon the fag.
HoIy God. Who did that to you?
I was attacked. I waIked in on some men robbing me.
And I was hospitaIized.
- I aImost died. - Let's do the smaII taIk Iater.
- I was going to do that. - Where shouId we sit?
- There's no pIace cards. - You need room.
So I'II sit in the back.
Never a break. Never.
Thank you. It was very thoughtfuI.
- You Iook Iike you're crowded. - It's aII right.
Thanks.
Thank you.
You're weIcome.
I've got the whoIe trip programmed.
I just wanted to see what you'd do.
TO USE AS ICEBREAKER
We've got good stuff here.
I Iike this music.
I'm sure they did something reaIIy off.
But something wiII aIways be off for you, unIess you set it straight.
And maybe this thing happened to you to give you a chance to do that.
Nonsense. You want to know why?
Anyone interested in what MeIvin has to say, raise their hand.
Want to know what happened with my parents?
- When I was ... - Wait. I'm going to puII over.
I aIways painted. And my mom aIways encouraged me.
She was sort of fabuIous about it.
She ... I was too young to think there was anything wrong with it.
And she was very naturaI.
So she used to pose nude for me.
I aIways thought that my father knew about it.
- This stuff is pointIess. - Let him finish.
- Do you want to hear my sad story? - Stop!
Go ahead. Don't Iet him stop you.
One day he waIked in and found us. And he started screaming.
My father didn't come out for 1 1 years.
He used to hit me with a yardstick if I made a mistake on the piano.
Go ahead, Simon. So he came in and he was yeIIing?
PIease, come on.
He was ...
I was defending my mother.
I was trying to make peace in the Iamest way.
I said, ''She's not naked. It's art.''
And he started hitting me.
He beat me unconscious.
And he taIked to me Iess and Iess. He knew what I was before I did.
The morning I Ieft for coIIege he waIked into my room.
He heId out his hand. And it was fiIIed with money.
A big sweaty wad of money.
And he said, ''I don't want you to ever come back.''
I just grabbed him and I hugged him.
And he turned and waIked out.
- We aII have these stories. - It's not true.
Some of us have great stories.
That take pIace at Iakes with boats and friends and noodIe saIad.
No one here. But a Iot of peopIe. That's their story ...
Good times, noodIe saIad. It's not that you had it bad, -
- but that you're that pissed that so many others had it good.
- No! I don't think so. - Not it at aII, reaIIy.
Not it at aII?
Let's go to the hoteI.
You'II see if you can get another wad of sweaty money out of his hand.
Can I ask you a personaI question?
Sure.
You ever get an erection over a woman?
- WouIdn't your Iife be easier ..? - You consider your Iife easy?
I give you that one.
Nice packing.
- Hey, Spence. - Hey, Mom. Wait till you hear...
- Why are you out of breath? - Mom, lscored a goal.
- You did? - Yep. He was big. Charlie.
That's great. Oh my God!
- We're playing again. Got to go. - Wait ...
- He scored a goal. - I don't beIieve it.
You wouId have died.
My son was outside pIaying soccer.
- Take me out dancing. - Dancing?
- I can't. I'm exhausted. - Oh, come on.
No.
AII right.
- Are you sad or something? - No. I'm nervous.
It wouId be very rough, CaroI, if you weren't aIong.
I'm happy. And you're my date.
Let's get dressed.
I'm going to jump in the shower. I'II be right with you.
AII set?
- Do you seII hard-sheII crabs? - Yes.
- Do they seII hard-sheIIs? - Yes.
Good evening.
- You have hard-sheIIs, right? - Stop asking.
- You can answer. - Yes, we do.
- I can give you a tie and jacket. - What?
They require a tie and jacket.
No. I'm not putting that on. And I won't Iet you inject me with pIague.
It's a nice pIace. You dry-cIean these aII the time, don't you?
I don't think so.
You just wait here.
Good evening.
- I need a coat and tie. - Come on in.
- No? - That one.
And this tie.
Excuse me.
She's here. We saved a tabIe for you.
- ShouId I get her for you? - No. I'II just watch.
Ma'am ...
You Iook so se ...
You Iook great.
You want to dance?
I've been thinking about that since you brought it up before.
No.
I don't get this pIace.
They make me buy a new outfit and Iet you in in a housedress.
What? Wait. Where are you going? Why?
I didn't mean it that way. Sit down.
- Give me the dirty Iook. - Pay me a compIiment, MeIvin.
I need one. Quick.
What you just said hurt my feeIings.
The minute someone gets that they need you they threaten to waIk out.
A compIiment is something nice about somebody eIse.
Now or never.
And mean it.
Can we order first?
Two hard-sheII crab dinners ... Pitcher of coId beer.
- Baked or fries? - Fries.
- One baked, one fried.
I'II teII your waiter.
I've got a great compIiment for you. And it's true.
- I'm afraid it's something awfuI. - Don't be pessimistic.
Okay. Here I go. CIearIy a mistake.
I've got this ... aiIment.
My doctor, a shrink I used to go to, -
- says that in 50 or 60 percent of the cases a piII reaIIy heIps.
I hate piIIs. Very dangerous thing.
I'm using the word ''hate'' here about piIIs.
My compIiment is, the night you came over and toId me you wouId never ...
AII right, you know what you said.
My compIiment to you is, -
- the next morning I started taking the piIIs.
How is that a compIiment for me?
You make me want to be a better man.
That's maybe the best compIiment of my Iife.
Maybe I overshot a bit to keep you from waIking out.
How's it going with those piIIs? Good, I hope, I hope, I hope.
It's IittIe by IittIe.
It's exhausting taIking Iike this. Exhausting.
Do you ever Iet a romantic moment make you do something stupid?
Never.
Here's the troubIe with never.
- You don't owe me that. - That wasn't payment.
When I first saw you I thought you were handsome.
Then, of course, you spoke.
So now that your ... soft underbeIIy is aII exposed ...
TeII me, why did you bring me here?
WeII, I ...
- That's a personaI question. - TeII me, even if you're scared.
- Scared? - TeII me why you wanted me here.
If you ask me, I'II say yes.
I ...
There's a Iot of reasons.
- If you had sex with Simon ... - What?
- That's just one idea. - That's why you brought me?
Like I'm a what ..? And I owe you what?
I don't know why I brought you. It was just one thought.
It came out first.
You kiss him ... me ... You two seemed to hit it off.
Wait. I didn't mean ... Forget what I said about Simon.
- I'II never forget it. - A mistake.
It was a mistake.
Hello, this is Fred Bishop. We're unable to take yourcall.
- Leave a message. - Say goodbye ... and thank you.
It's Simon.
I'm in town.
You've never been out Iater than ten o'cIock. Pick up the phone.
ReaIIy.
I'm going to try you in the morning. I need to see you.
Or at Ieast get you to answer the phone.
How are you?
- Is this going to be your room? - Our room. I don't want to see him.
- What happened? - Don't ask.
- Can you not be so vioIent? - I don't think so.
I'm taking a big bath.
Are you okay?
Don't ask. I'm tired of my compIaints.
- What are you thinking about? - How to die, mostIy.
Can you beIieve, in our IittIe mix you're the good roommate?
Goodnight.
HoId it.
I have to draw you.
- I have to draw you. - No.
- I'm more shy than peopIe think. - I have to.
- I haven't sketched in weeks. - Stop staring. Do a vase.
But you're beautifuI, CaroI. Your skin, your Iong neck.
The back. The Iine of you.
You're why cavemen chiseIIed on waIIs.
Cut me a break.
The next thing I know she's sitting next to me.
It's not right to go into detaiIs. I got nervous.
I said the wrong thing.
Where, if I hadn't, -
- I couId be in bed now with a woman who ...
If you make her Iaugh, you got a Iife.
Instead, I'm here with you.
No offence, but a moron pushing the Iast IegaI drug.
Jameson, soda back.
I don't care how you put this. We're being naughty here, paI.
No, this is ... This is great. This is so great.
My hand won't even keep up. HoId it.
- I'm just turning. - But hoId that.
My hand's not even bothering me.
I can't get the angIe with this cast.
CarefuI.
PRIVACY
I'm coming in. It's Iate.
- Did you have sex with her? - Don't you want your shampoos?
Sorry.
I didn't know she was stiII here ... Did you have sex with her?
To heII with sex. It was better than sex. We heId each other.
What I need, he gave me great. I'II get dressed in a hurry.
I just Iove her.
How are you doing?
- Mom, hi. - Hello, Simon.
- You were right We were home. - Do you have to whisper?
- l'm nota screamer. - It was Iucky you didn't answer.
- Your fatheris not feeling well. - I can't hear you.
- Hold on. - What are you going to do?
- I get why you're angry with me ... - He's taIking to his parents.
Listen to me. TruIy no grudges.
It was odd that you didn't come and see me when you heard I was hurt.
- We almost did. - I don't want to taIk about it.
The important thing is that your son is happy.
- I'm working again. - Good. Aboutmoney ...
No. I'II drop you a Iine. It's up to you to make the next move.
He's going to want to stay. And they'II take a ride to the Iake.
- Bye-bye. - Goodbye, dear.
We'II probabIy have a five-hour drive. It'II give us a chance to ...
- I'm coming. - What about your parents?
- No. I'II take care of myseIf. - What are you taIking about?
- You've got reaI probIems. - I know. I'm a IittIe bit nervous.
SuddenIy everything seems so easy.
CaroI, a Ioad has been Iifted.
- One night wih me. - You think you're kidding.
- No choice. - I've got a gift for you.
Let me see ... Gorgeous.
Do it. And get the dog picked up. I can't beIieve he Iet it stay there.
Goodbye.
Your Iuck's running.
They sub-Iet your pIace. You're homeIess.
- Frank's got a Iine on a new pIace. - Where?
Does it matter?
No, it doesn't.
I'm fine. Like the hat?
I'm sorry.
FOR EMERGENCY USE ONLY
- I don't want to hear that music. - You said you Iiked it.
- This one has a meaning. - I don't want to hear it.
Here's the keys to my apartment.
Go up there and wait and I'II take CaroI home.
- I'II take a bus. - No, I'II take you.
Can you come here?
- I don't care what you did for me. - What's wrong?
I don't want to know you any more. AII you do is make me feeI bad.
You have my number.
- Let him take you home. - Don't want to.
- I Iove you. - I Iove you too.
Don't say anything.
I've got to get a hoId of Frank and see where I'm hanging my hat.
I think you're going to have to camp it here.
There's VerdeII!
Mommy and Daddy are home.
Sorry. You're fun to mess with.
They rented your pIace furnished. Jackie said she'd bring your things.
They were going to set you up in here. It's an extra room.
- It's got good Iight. - I'm coming.
It's nice. Looks good.
They've even got your music, paintings, paints.
I have to say they did a good job.
It's going to be okay. Cosy, huh?
Thank you, MeIvin. You overwheIm me.
I Iove you.
I'd be the Iuckiest guy aIive if that did it for me.
Make yourseIf at home.
Anything eIse in the bag?
But I was pIaying soccer whiIe you were away.
I Iove my cookbook.
It's got wonderfuI recipes. It says something with a shark.
Shark with a bite. WouId you Iike that, Spencer?
And some cookies here caIIed Wasps' Nests.
Where is my big hairy boy?
Where is he? Where is my beautifuI boy?
Sweetheart!
- Oh, you're in bed. - No, no.
I just didn't think VerdeII shouId get too comfortabIe sIeeping here.
The dog's aIready comfortabIe.
Is this okay?
HeIIo ... Hi, it's me.
He took me in. It's CaroI for you.
- Jackie brought it aII over ... - Just take the dog.
Take the dog.
- Come on. Move fast. Don't Iimp. - Good Iuck.
- Howare you doing? - Not so hot.
- Why? What's wrong? - Was I sensibIe or hard on you?
- Maybe both. - Are you being cute or crazy now?
- Cute. - You don't have to answer.
Just Iisten to me.
It's reaIIy something that you're Iooking after Simon.
And what I said on the street ... That was a bad thing to say.
It made me sick to my stomach. It was a bad thing to say.
And I'd be Iying if I didn't say I enjoy your company.
But you do bother me. And I know it's better for me ...
... to not have contact with you because you're not ready.
You're an oId guy to not be ready. And I'm too oId to ignore that.
But there were extraordinary kindnesses that did take pIace.
Anyway. Thanks for the trip.
Goodnight.
Okay if I say something now?
Go ahead.
I shouId have danced with you.
Goodnight.
- Are you going to taIk to me? - I'm coming.
- What did she say? - That I'm a great guy.
And she doesn't want contact with me.
I'm dying here.
- Because ... you Iove her. - No.
And you peopIe are supposed to be sensitive?
Then you teII me why. You're the one who's ''dying here''.
- Let me sIeep on it. - Oh, come on.
- I'II figure it out. - PIease ...
I'm stuck. I can't get back to my oId Iife.
- She's evicted me from my Iife. - Did you reaIIy Iike it that much?
It's better than this.
If you're going to give me hope, you've got to do better.
If you can't be miIdIy interesting, then shut up.
I'm drowning here! And you're describing the water.
Picking on me won't heIp.
If that's true, I'm reaIIy in troubIe.
Do you know where you're Iucky?
You know who you want.
I wouId take your seat any day. Do something. Go over there.
Tonight. It's not aIways good to Iet things caIm down.
You can do this, MeIvin.
TeII her how you feeI.
- I'm charged. - Yes, you are.
- She might kiII me if I go there. - Then stay. I'II read you a story.
The best thing going for you is your wiIIingness to humiIiate yourseIf.
Go over there. Do this. Catch her off guard.
Thanks a Iot.
Here I go.
What's wrong?
I forgot to Iock the door.
- What do you want? - I'm sorry I woke you up.
I wasn't asIeep.
What a break.
Is it a secret what you're doing here?
I had to see you.
Because?
It reIaxes me.
I'd feeI better sitting outside your apartment on the curb -
- than any other pIace I can think of or imagine.
That's overstating.
I'd rather be sitting inside so I don't get my feet in the gutter.
Stop. Why can't I just have a normaI boyfriend? Why?
A reguIar boyfriend who doesn't go nuts on me.
Everybody wants that. It doesn't exist.
I'm sorry. I didn't mean to interrupt.
Boyfriend ...
Come on in and try not to ruin everything by being you.
Maybe we couId Iive without the wisecracks?
Maybe we couId.
It feeIs a IittIe confined here. Let's take a waIk.
It's four in the morning. A waIk sounds a IittIe screwy to me.
- If you don't mind. - WeII, if you need an excuse ...
There's a bakery on the corner that'II be open soon.
That way we're not screwy, but two peopIe that Iike warm roIIs.
- What are you doing? - I want you to hear that song.
And darling l'm neverlonely
wheneveryou're in sight...
Thank you.
I was ...
I'm sorry. Whatever this is won't work.
- I'm ... - What?
I'm feeIing better.
It may seem that way now, but you don't know me aII that weII.
I'm not the answer for you.
- I've got a compIiment for you. - You know what?
Let me taIk.
I might be the onIy person on the earth -
- that knows you're the greatest woman on earth.
I might be the onIy one who knows how amazing you are.
And how you are with Spencer. Spence.
And in every singIe thought you have.
How you aImost aIways mean something that's about being straight or good.
Most peopIe miss that about you.
I wonder how they can watch you bring their food and cIear tabIes -
- and never get that they just met the greatest woman aIive.
And the fact that I get it makes me feeI good ...
... about me.
Is that something that it's bad for you to be around?
No.
I'm going to grab you?
I didn't mean for that to be a question. I'm going to grab you.
I know I can do better than that.
Better. DefiniteIy better.
See?
- Want something? - Warm roIIs.